How Parents and Caregivers Can Support Students Experiencing Trauma and Chronic Stress at School

How Parents and Caregivers Can Support Kids Experiencing Trauma and Chronic Stress at School

As I consider how to approach this post, I thought it was important to reflect on the experiences I have been through as a parent of children in our local public school system, as well as my training, experience, and insights as a mental health therapist.  Some mental health therapists approach healing from a thinking and thought based perspectives, I primarily approach the work I do from a mind/body/nervous system perspective. As a therapist, I am trained in several different modalities related to trauma including Brainspotting, Somatic Experiencing, and Polyvagal Theory. 

As my children have navigated our public schools from elementary school to middle and into high school, they have repeatedly witnessed violence, have been threatened with violence, and have been in lock downs while police are present ensure they can safely remain in school.  If students do not have a sense of safety in school, the environment is not conducive to learning or supportive of their mental health.  On a weekly basis students witness violence and fighting. In the last few years there have been multiple instances of knives, guns, and other weapons brought into schools which included a firearm that was discharged in a local middle school.  The same school was recently "swatted," resulting in a police response with guns drawn which was witnessed by many students. This environment does not provide a sense of safety.  Experiences like these — whether real threats, false alarms, or drills — can deeply affect our children’s mental health and nervous systems in both the short and long term. Often, those impacts are not immediately visible and only present themselves later in life.

Trauma Lives in the Body—Not Just the Mind

I am not an expert in school policies or education but I am aware of the impacts trauma can have on human beings.  A sense of safety needs to be at the center of the experiences of our children.  When people hear the word, "trauma" they generally think about large events such as war, extreme violence and assaults.  However, experiences of trauma can occur as a result of many different situations, including, but limited to bullying, name calling, hearing about violence, feeling unsafe in a setting, or being  chronically exposed to a stressful environments.  As a rule of thumb, trauma can be thought of any situation or experience that happens too much, too fast, or too soon leading to our nervous system to be overwhelmed and unable process or adapt to the experience as effectively and as designed.  It is important to remember that trauma is not just about what happened, it is also about how the body experienced it. When faced with situations our bodies perceive as threatening or dangerous, the nervous system responds to danger predictable pattern which includes a fight, flight, or freeze response. If the energy from that response is not fully processed and released, it can stay stuck in the body, and may show up later as anxiety, anger, depression, exhaustion, or other mental health concerns.

It’s important that we not only talk to our children about these events, but also help them process the experiences through methods that support the release of the stored energy within us. Below are 10 ways to support your child through traumatic, or unsettling events and help them work through their body's natural responses.

10 Trauma-Informed Ways to Support Your Child

Here are ten practical ways you can support your student if they have experienced a traumatic event or are experiencing chronic stress at school:

1. Invite, Don’t Inquire

Let your child lead the conversation. Instead of pushing them to talk, offer gentle invitations:

“I’m here if you ever want to talk about what happened.”

Respect their pace—safety and trust come before storytelling. It is important for your student to feel safe with who they are with and the environment they are in before healing can begin.

2. Normalize and Validate Emotions

Say things like:

“It’s totally normal to feel scared or upset after something like that.”

“Your feelings make sense.”

Validation tells their nervous system: you’re not broken—this is a natural response.

3. Tune Into the Body

Help them notice physical sensations:

“Are you feeling that in your chest or tummy?”

“Is your body feeling fast or slow today?”

This supports body awareness and builds emotional resilience.

4. Encourage Movement and Creative Expression

Stress needs a way out. Offer outlets like:

• Dancing to music

• Drawing or journaling

• Playing outside

• Engaging in a sport

Creative and physical expression allows nervous system discharge in a safe, organic way. Children and teens often know how to do this naturally when they get outside and spend time away from electronics and other distractions. 

5. Offer Co-Regulation Through Presence

Be a calm, grounded presence. Sit near them, breathe slowly, offer a hand to hold.

Your regulated state helps regulate theirs.

Our nervous systems are always scanning our environments and assessing whether it is safe. They may be trying to understand: is moment is safe?, are the people I am with safe?, is the mood of others around me safe?  Your student will likely be able to perceive if you are stressed and frustrated or calm and relaxed just being in your preference.

6. Keep Checking In Over Time

Trauma responses can emerge days or weeks later. Ongoing support matters.  Again you do not want to push them to talk if they are not ready but things you could say include:

“Anything coming up for you today about what happened?”

“Still thinking about that day?”

Consistency builds trust and allow our students to perceive a sense of safety over time.

7. Help Them Reclaim a Sense of Agency

Let them make small choices about what they need—what to eat, what to do after school, who to talk to. After experiencing high stress and difficult situations, we often feel like the world around us is out of control.  Making decisions for oneself helps restore a sense of control after experiencing a helplessness or uncertain situation

8. Use Soothing Touch and Grounding Tools

With consent and permission, try:

• Holding hands

• Gentle back rubs

• A warm blanket or weighted object

• Fidget toys or sensory items

The 5-4-3-2-1 grounding technique is a mindfulness exercise that uses your five senses to help manage anxiety, feelings of disconnect or being overwhelm by focusing on the present moment. It involves identifying 5 things you can see, 4 you can feel, 3 you can hear, 2 you can smell, and 1 you can taste. These approaches can help regulate the body and bring them back to the present.

9. Maintain Predictable Routines

After a scary or chaotic event, routine creates safety. Try to:

• Keep meal and sleep times regular

• Minimize surprises

• Let them know what’s coming next

Uncertainly makes it difficult for the students to relax keeping their senses heightening and keeping their stress levels high. Predictability helps calm the nervous system.

10. Seek Professional Support When Needed

If your child continues to struggle—through nightmares, mood swings, shutting down, feeling overwhelmed or experiencing strong anxiety—reach out to a trauma-informed mental health professional. The sooner we intervene, the more quickly the nervous system can heal.

You Do Not Have to Have All the Answers

When your child is hurting or afraid, it’s natural to want to fix it. Healing does not require perfection, it requires connection and a sense of safety as much as possible. Being a steady, supportive, and caring presence can help your child begin to recover and feel safe again.